Hospice News

Patient & Carer Stories

Helen Morgan, Chair of Trustees at St Peter's and former Palliative Care Nurse Specialist, experienced the value of respite care firsthand when her own father became unwell - not as a nurse, but as a family member.

Brian became unwell in his nineties, and his wife Jill had taken care of him for some years. But early in 2025 it became clear that he was not going to recover and at that point their daughter Helen joined them, determined to support her mother and help Brian face his approaching death. Brian became increasingly weak over the course of a couple of weeks so the family asked their GP to refer them to St Peter's Hospice to help manage the approach of the end of Brian's life.

Very quickly, in a couple of days, a member of the St Peter's Hospice at Home team came to visit the family at home. "That's when everything started to feel better, even though we knew that Dad was approaching the end," said Helen.

"It was reassuring to know that the St Peter's team was connected to the GP surgery and the district nurses and other agencies. They were all talking to each other, so we didn't have to repeat ourselves.

"When someone you love is dying you have a feeling of being out of control. The St Peter's team gave us back a sense of control. They pulled all the strands together and helped us navigate through a very difficult time, making it as good for Dad as it could possibly be. They really listened to us and offered us what we needed when we needed it. Their support was immensely gentle and unobtrusive."

Helen said that once the St Peter's team had visited that first time, "Mum said she felt she could finally breathe again, knowing that if something needed to be done, St Peter's would do it."

Jill, Helen and Brian

The team helped with practicalities, such as sorting out problems with medication. As Helen said, "I could have done this myself, but the support from St Peter's meant I was able to be a daughter rather than a carer."

Brian had daytime carers coming to the house and Jill and Helen were also there. But they were exhausted by the broken nights, checking on Brian every two hours and sitting with him through the night when he was awake and distressed.

Helen said, "The first St Peter's night shift sticks in my mind. I was on my knees with tiredness. For weeks, if I wasn't at Dad's bedside through the night, I was coming to his room every two hours. I was running on empty and my sense of perspective was failing. Becky, the nurse who came, was truly wonderful and she really connected with Dad. Both Mum and I were exhausted, but thanks to Becky, we both went off to bed knowing not only that Dad would be safe, but that he would be cared for.

"When I came down in the morning after my first good night's sleep in ages, she and Dad were quietly working together on a paint by numbers picture on her iPad. Dad had always loved painting and art, and amazingly, Becky had found just the way to connect with him and help him through the night. And I was refreshed from my night's sleep and ready to face whatever the day would bring. I think that the memory of that morning will stay with me forever.

"Having someone there to be with dad through the night meant I could be more present for him emotionally. I had a clear head, I could think straight."

Helen had spoken openly with her parents about their hopes and wishes for the end of their lives. Her father, Brian, was especially clear: when the time came, he wanted to be at home, surrounded by love - with his wife and daughter by his side. Though the family knew in their hearts that he wasn't ready to leave them, they also knew they had done everything they could to honour his wishes - he died peacefully at home, holding hands with Jill and Helen.

Helen added: "If there's one thing I could say to anyone feeling overwhelmed by the idea of hospice care, it's this - hospice nurses can be an incredible source of guidance and support. When someone you love is dying, it can feel like you're standing in no man's land. But St Peter's helped us through one of the hardest times in our lives, and gave us the chance to truly cherish the time we had left with Dad."

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